Guten Tag, Germany!

Unable to resist RyanAir's flight to Germany for two pounds ($3) round trip, we ventured out with my cousin Chris to the cozy German (and Swiss, and Austrian) countryside. The ultimate destination of our road trip was Oktoberfest. Ja, toll!

And now here are some priceless nuggets of wisdom about travel to Germany that I am sure you will be able to use in the near future:

1. Hotel breakfast buffets in Europe are practically begging you to pack a lunch -- and, if you so desire, a dinner (breads, sliced meats and cheese, hello). So what you do is carry a large purse to breakfast. As you eat and eat and eat, intermittently slide sandwiches, rolls, cheeses, and fruit into your purse. Nevermind that lady across the room who keeps watching you with great interest. The money you save on meals can almost justify sleeping in a hotel instead of your car.

2. There's no such thing as too much Haribo. No wait, yes there is. But it takes a whole lotta Haribo to get to that point.

3. Mrs. Huddleston really did teach you something. Remember German class in Jr. High, when you thought you were just counting down the minutes to lunch time, while humoring your mullet-haired, obese teacher who was, on any particular day, either smiling and singing with gusto or moping lifeless behind her desk? Yeah, well. Turns out you actually learned stuff. And 13 years later, you are magically capable of having brief conversations with people! So go ahead and ask that bus driver which way to Oktoberfest. You actually might verstehen.

4. The giant pretzels and the apfel strudel at Oktoberfest are totally worth the exorbitant, choke-on-your-purse-packed-sandwich price. Plus you get to eat it while a polka band plays their hearts out.

5. After you are finished partying and are walking around Munich, you will inevitably pass a group of youths who are supporting their uber-drunken friend as he stumbles along the sidewalk. If, at the moment you walk by, the uber-drunk is just bending over to have a good ralph, and he is wearing leather liederhosen out of which his hairy plumber's crack is perfectly on display, go ahead and take a picture. Trust me, I resisted the urge to, and I deeply regret it.

6. If you stay near Neuschwanstein Castle, get the hotel with this view:

7. Autumn is the best time to travel. Anywhere in the northern hemisphere. And you know, I might even go so far as to say that Autumn is the best time to be alive.