Here's a List of the Everyday Things That Are Still Weird to Us in America

  • the coins are lightweight, the bills are skinny and green; it all feels like fake money
  • people fly the flag, just because
  • produce is not pre-bagged at the store
  • people call us on the phone before 4 pm
  • driving on the right side of the road
  • windows have screens, and don't open out like doors
  • soup and juice both come in condensed forms 
  • ...and tomato soup is so, so red (as opposed to orange)
  • breads labeled as 'French' or 'Italian' are nothing like either
  • everybody has a mailbox that is shaped like... well, a mailbox.  And they have little flags on them with which you can send outgoing mail!  From your very own mailbox! 

And Here's a List of the Things That Are New to Us Entirely: 

  • Free seafood in our own "yard".  This will be the year (for me) of learning to like seafood.  Also, learning to be able to grab creepy animals with my own hands and then kill them myself. and then eat them.  It's all so ... real. 
  • We now live in state that offers 5 cents for ever bottle/can you recycle.  (Look at that coke can in your hand.  See the MA on it? ca-ching!)  When I was about 14, I cursed my fate that I was not in a top-of-the-can state.  It seemed a brilliant source of income back then.  --All you had to do was collect 20 cans and poof! you had whole dollar!  So, I'm going to save up and cash-in, to honor both my young self, and my grandpa who did so his whole life long. 
  • The ocean really is different everyday.  And I mean really, really different.  All the time.  From milky silver to scary blustery black.  It's like a whole different ocean every time I look up.   
  • Paradise is, apparently, chock-full of spiders.  Who knew?  Thankfully the horrifying ones remain outside.  But only technically: they build giant webs spanning the window screens, reminding us that they own this place.  They also like to build around the door frames so when you open the front door, you realize you've just broken a giant spider's giant web and he may very well be clickity-clackity-ing his 8 armored legs down your neck at this very moment.  
  • Wait, did that last one just make you decide you're not going to visit anymore? I was just joking, really.  They're harmless, sweet little friends . . . and they build words into their webs like "Terrific" and "Some Pig". . . and "Welcome Visitors" and "Why Haven't You Booked That Flight Yet?"  

1 comment:

Super L said...

Aaaaawww, stomping cans with Grandpa! Now you made me all sentimental! That was the best fun ever!

I also remember my first introduction to East-Coast spiders. Did I ever tell you about the . . . no, I won't. But don't worry. In about a year, you will be vaccuuming up giant clickity-clacking spiders with aplomb while on the phone with mom, and she will tell you she is proud of how far you've come.