Our flight leaves tonight for England, and on March 28, 10:30 am GDT, I will defend my dissertation before a panel of world experts. My fate will hang in the balance. It will all be in my hands. I must do everything right. I have therefore drawn up a list of
Top Ten Things I Will Not Do at My Viva:
10. Realize suddenly that I forgot to wear pants.
9. Phrase all my answers in the form of a question.
8. Declare apathetically that history is useless.
7. When asked to explain my methodological approach, say, "I drew almost exclusively from Wikipedia."
6. Mock British dental hygiene.
5. Suddenly wail, "Okay, okay! I never read any of those books! It's all a lie!"
4. Admit that I didn't know who Marco Polo was until the day before I gave a lecture on him.
3. When asked to describe my research approach, say, "It was easy. I just watched a lot of costume dramas."
2. Ask if I can Phone a Friend.
1. If they offer me a doctorate, say, "A doctorate?! I was just here for the food!"
not freaking out. not freaking out. not freaking out...