I've been noting the headlines of the local weekly paper for a while, after realizing that they are almost always hilarious. What kind of a place is this, if this is what makes the front page?
PAVEMENT PEELS UP AT JEPHSON GARDENS
WHO WILL BE OUR DOG OF THE YEAR?
TREE TRIMMING WORK IS LONG OVERDUE SAYS WOODLOES RESIDENT
CURVY CARROT BAN LIFTED AT LAST
WHO WON THE ANNUAL DUCK RACE?
ANYONE KNOW WHAT TO SPEND £60K ON?
JOHN KNOWS HIS ONIONS
COMPENSATION TO POTHOLE VICTIMS
FLY TIPPERS [LITTERERS] STRIKE AT PUB SITE
PUPPY STABBED IN HORROR ATTACK
IT'S GOING TO BE BRILLIANT!
BURGLAR THREATENED TO SPIT ON WOMAN AFTER BITING HER ARM
ARE THERE TOO MANY ROAD SIGNS IN WARWICK?
MEET JOHN & HIS AMAZING SUNFLOWER
NICE ONE, CYRIL!
PLASTIC BAGS COULD BE BINNED FOR GOOD
SLAUGHTER OF THE PORKERS MEANS FAGGOTS AND BANGERS FOR VILLAGERS