Hear Ye, Hear Ye


I've been  noting the headlines of the local weekly paper for a while, after realizing that they are almost always hilarious.  What kind of a place is this, if this is what makes the front page? 

PAVEMENT PEELS UP AT JEPHSON GARDENS

WHO WILL BE OUR DOG OF THE YEAR?

TREE TRIMMING WORK IS LONG OVERDUE SAYS WOODLOES RESIDENT

CURVY CARROT BAN LIFTED AT LAST

WHO WON THE ANNUAL DUCK RACE?

ANYONE KNOW WHAT TO SPEND £60K ON?

JOHN KNOWS HIS ONIONS

COMPENSATION TO POTHOLE VICTIMS

FLY TIPPERS [LITTERERS] STRIKE AT PUB SITE

PUPPY STABBED IN HORROR ATTACK

IT'S GOING TO BE BRILLIANT!

BURGLAR THREATENED TO SPIT ON WOMAN AFTER BITING HER ARM

ARE THERE TOO MANY ROAD SIGNS IN WARWICK?

MEET JOHN & HIS AMAZING SUNFLOWER

NICE ONE, CYRIL! 

PLASTIC BAGS COULD BE BINNED FOR GOOD

SLAUGHTER OF THE PORKERS MEANS FAGGOTS AND BANGERS FOR VILLAGERS

4 comments:

Emily said...

There aren't words really... watch the the last one its a doozie - left me helpless on the ground. But I have to say that the curvy carrot ban is incredibly curious.

Super L said...

It IS going to be brilliant!

How does one become a pothole victim?

Ryan (Ranger) said...

but, seriously, have you met John & his amazing sunflower!?

also, I was there when that pavement was peeling, atrocious!

Kelli said...

finally, FINALLY, I can get me some curvy carrots. Its about bloody time.